Where did it go

Really? Sophomore year is gone?? man, where did it go?? What happened to all the time? I'm sooo not ready to be a junior. More than that, I'm not ready for my seniors to leave! I'm going to miss a lot of them, especially Pit Mama. It'll be weird without Drum Majorette A and Drum Majorette B too. And then, what about Storme Rayne? or even some of the seniors I didn't associate with nearly as much, such as Jade Glow or Blue Angel... even Corps Man! Next school year is going to be so different...

When words hurt

I'll admit it. I am one of those people who would rather write, type, or text something than have to say it. Even then, I don't like saying anything on my mind. Someone asked me the other day, why is it you'll tell me this, but then you won't tell me that? First off, I think situation. If you have any kind of opinion on the subject, I don't like having that bias there. I'd much rather talk to someone not involved than try to talk to that person. Less stressful I think. Second, I'm not the person to just go and let my inner thoughts run wild and free. Even the things I write down I keep or hide in places they won't be found unless I want them to be. For me to express myself to you, that means you (1) don't have an opinion or influence in the matter (2) I know you and I'm close to you, and (3) I trust you. If you are all of those things, you're usually the poor person I say something too. But if I can work it out or let it go without help, I'll do it myself. I'm not mean, and I'm not crazy (well, maybe, but that's a different story), I'm just....... Me.

Emotions

If you know me, I wonder if you realize how emotional I am. I mean, I've learned to hide it. After seeing death at the clinic, I learned, if I wanted to be a vet, I had to hide my emotions. That was better for the customers. So, when I lost my grandmother, I hid my emotions. They were strong, and it was hard, but I had to stay strong. I had to keep the brave face of the family.

I also make these unseen emotional connections a lot. While other people have friends, I make bonds. These bonds can change, often based on how I view the person after the first bond. And once these bonds are made, only I can see them.

Losing a bond. That hurts. Whether it's an argument, half the globe, or death that separates us, the pain is still powerful. Some people think I'm clingy. Well, maybe I am, but its because I'm scared. Scared of them drifting away from me. Loneliness is the strongest force against the bonds. I'm afraid to lose the few loyalties I have. There are only a few people who I can open up with this stuff about who don't have biases and I know I can trust them not to breathe a word to another soul. They know who they are, and the bonds I have with them are so predominant, that I'm surprised they can't see them.

And if I had to choose the greatest regret in my life, it would be this:
"A sad goodbye I never got to say,
A sad goodbye that haunts me to this day."
Anonymous

Siblings

Ok, so, if you didn't know, I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. You may know my sister. She's Mouse. My brother doesn't have a blog here as of now. Yes, I love them both. however, sometimes, they are some of the most annoying people I've ever met. I mean, right now they're playing with this annoying little helicopter thing. (Thank you From the Heart for that lovely, annoying Christmas gift you gave my brother. I blame you) Anyway, and earlier, they were playing this stupid game with a tennis ball and screaming throughout the house. But, even despite all of this, I still love them. Most days. ;-P

Friends

So, I was kinda in the mood today to talk about a few of my close friends. These are the few I would consider "best friends" if I had to pick.

1. We'll call her Cyndi for now, because she's such a big Cyndi Lauper fan. Anyway, she's probably my closest freshman pal. I have English and ASL with her. She's really quiet, but she's uber-smart and she's really nice if you get to know her. She and I tend to be inseparable during those classes. Just wish we could share the same lunch.
2. We'll call her Pit Mama, cause that's what this junior friend is. She's really been the one I've come closest to that's not Cyndi. Before you ask, yes, Pit Mama is overprotective, a little crazy (But, then again, all of us in pit are crazy), and I can almost swear she's bipolar (And I'm not the only one who'll tell you that. Lol) I need to thank Pit Mama not only for kinda getting me out of my shell, but also for helping me feel a little bit more in place at the high school.
3. We'll call her Guidon because that what she is in my JROTC flight. She's another freshman pal, and she's always willing to help me out when i need it.

So yeah, those are my closest friends. Without them, I'd go insane. Thanks to all of you!

Exam Time!

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I've done this! i was looking up info about inbreeding for a school project in Ag, and saw an article on this site. It made me remember about this!

So, anyway, yeah, semester exams are coming up, and I'm freaking out! I haven't taken semester exams before, and I'm really worried. I mean, what if I do bad? What will; happen to my straight A's? I don't want people to be mad at me, which is making me even more worried. Eek! This is crazy! I don't see how people say they don't study for these. I seem to study alot, but I'm still freaking out! This is crazy! Down with semester exams!

Happy Holidays..... Already?

Ok, so, everyone knows that Thanksgiving has just passed. However, personally, I do not believe that it's already time for people to start put up Christmas lights and playing Christmas carols! No! Not until December! It's still November! I.e, too early to do Christmas stuff. Anyone else agree?